


Who Holds Your Heart?

by slainesaazbaum



Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime)
Genre: A little bit of fluff, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst to the max, M/M, Post-Canon, also the major character death ends up okay dont worry about that, more characters and possibly relationships to be added later if this is continued, psa i hate asseylum and this is basically a whole fic of everyone sharing my opinion, somehow i combined both common a/z fics into one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 21:14:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7190690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slainesaazbaum/pseuds/slainesaazbaum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life is suffering. It is hard. The world is cursed. But still, you find reasons to keep living.<br/>Slaine has all the time in the world to think now that he's imprisoned for the foreseeable future.<br/>He reflects upon the past, he only sees things he wishes he could change.<br/>Distance and time have helped him heal his heart just in time to give it away again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Holds Your Heart?

Slaine sat on his small bed in his prison cell. He absent-mindedly played with the pendant around his neck as he looked out the small window, which was set high on the wall so he could only see the light it let into the room. The sun was setting. Slaine could tell because the light filtering through the bars was a warm orange color.

Orange.

Inaho still visited every so often and Slaine still couldn’t figure out why the war hero even came to see him in the first place. Slaine was the person who shot Inaho and killed so many innocents. Slaine closed his eyes. Inaho was under the princess’s spell - her last wish for him had been that he be saved from the chains of misery and Inaho was the one who was supposed to carry that out.

Slaine sighed. It had been six months since Inaho had told him about the princess’s - no, the Empress’s - request. At first he had been incredibly moved by the notion that the Empress still cared about him; however, as the months passed, he began to believe that less and less. Slaine wasn’t supposed to know about what was going on outside of his prison, but when the guards thought he was asleep they talked. The whole war was blamed on him, and though he understood why but he couldn’t help the feeling of unease that was building up in his chest. They needed someone who wasn’t terran or martian and he had no more allies to fight for him. He was the perfect scapegoat.

But the Empress had a hand in that decision. Those past months without visits from the Empress had given him time to think - being in prison meant that he had nothing but time to think. The Empress had been ignorant of how he had been abused by the martians, she had been ignorant in believing that the war had been only because of her death, and she was still ignorant of how the people of Vers were being treated and oppressed. It was a virtue to be able to see the good in everyone, but if it was taken too far it became ignorance and a habit of ignoring the facts. Because Slaine had taken the fall for the war - because Slaine was officially dead - all the other counts had been cleared of all war crimes.

Land was still being occupied by landing castles; it didn’t take a genius to know that the Empress’s peace talks weren’t going to get them to leave.

Slaine leaned his head against the hard wall behind him and rubbed his eyes. Peace wasn’t a fix-all. Slaine’s thoughts lingered on Harklight - he had been a loyal soldier who had believed in the work Slaine had done as a count. Harklight was the type of person who would never be fully on the Empress’s side until she stopped focusing on the people of earth and started thinking of the people of her own planet.

Slaine pushed himself off the bed; he needed to stop thinking about this for a while.

____________

Slaine had memorized the path through the prison to the room where he would meet Inaho for his visits.

“You’re not eating a healthy amount.” Inaho stated before Slaine could even sit down.

“It’s not like I’m dying or anything. I’m fine,” Slaine commented as he sat down. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the other man. He was eating plenty. Okay, well, maybe he never fully finished a meal, but his appetite really wasn’t that big and he was never really that hungry. Inaho gazed at him for a moment before replying.

“Do I have to remind you of the Empress’s wish?” 

Slaine almost laughed.

“You can if you want, but it won’t make me eat any more.” Inaho seemed surprised at that remark as his eyes widened a fraction. He paused for a moment, looking at Slaine and then looking away.

“I’ll never understand you,” Inaho muttered almost to himself. He reached into a book bag and pulled out something - Slaine hadn’t even realized he had brought a bag with him. Inaho slid the item across the table.

It was wrapped in wrapping paper. Slaine looked up at Inaho with a confused stare.

“Happy Birthday, Slaine.” Inaho said it with the same soft and calm voice as always, but Slaine could swear he could see a smile on the edge of the other man’s lips. Slaine couldn’t help but be surprised. His heart was beating a bit faster against his will. It had been years since anyone had celebrated his birthday. Most of the time even he forgot about it, just like this year. Except this year someone had remembered, and it was almost surreal. Slaine made quick work of the wrapping paper revealing a box of paint, a pallet, brushes, and a book of landscape photos.

“I wasn’t sure what to get you - I thought it would be a nice hobby.” Inaho sounded almost unsure of himself. Almost, of course, because although his voice was the same as always, this time Slaine thought he could hear something else.

Slaine burst out laughing, giggling so hard his stomach hurt and he was on the edge of tears.

Inaho’s eyes widened and he leaned forward, almost out of his seat.

“Slaine! Are you okay?” Inaho actually looked worried. The blond boy was still gasping for breath when he replied.

“Yeah I’m okay, don’t worry so much, Orange.” Slaine wiped the tears from the edge of his eyes. “Thank you.”

“I have something else to give you.” He reached into his bag again and produced a small personal sized cake and a plastic fork; he slid them to Slaine without saying anything else.  
Slaine ate the cake quietly. They had long ago stopped handcuffing him when we met Inaho, so it was easy to eat. The cake was vanilla with vanilla frosting, as expected from someone like Inaho. The frosting was so rich Slaine had to stop eating halfway through. He pushed the remaining half of the cake back to Inaho, but he couldn’t meet the other man’s gaze.

“Thank you for this.” Slaine said barely above a whisper. Slaine realized he was wrong about his counterpart. He hadn’t been coming just because of the princess’s wish, but Slaine still didn’t know why he was coming anymore.

Slaine suddenly felt a hand on his. He quickly lifted his gaze to find Inaho’s almost red eyes focused completely on him.

“Will you eat more of your meals?” Inaho squeezed his hand slightly, and Slaine couldn’t look away from his gaze. “For me?”

“I’ll never understand you.” Slaine said with a bitter smile

____________

 

Inaho’s visits had gotten more frequent since that day. He had bought different sizes and types of canvases for Slaine to paint on. The man was still a mystery to Slaine. The orange light of the sunset that filled his cell every evening made Slaine think of him. Sometimes the sunset would be pink, red, or yellow, but he still thought of Inaho. It was getting frustrating to say the least.

The more Inaho came to visit, the more Slaine learned more about the other man. The fact that Inaho had a sister was something that Slaine had a hard time picturing. Inaho had said his sister was “more energetic” than him but that hadn’t helped Slaine picture the woman. Another fact that shouldn’t have shocked Slaine as much as it did was the fact that Inaho had friends, and lots of them. It had happened more than once that Inaho got a phone call in the middle of one of his visits. Inaho’s friends seemed to check on him a lot. Slaine couldn’t help but wonder what kind of people would stick around Inaho willingly.

Slaine had taken up painting landscapes like he was born to do it. He was naturally good at it; he had an eye for colors and details. While he was looking through the book that Inaho had given him he had found lots of European landscapes that he had seen in his childhood, traveling with his father.

It was one of those landscapes that he was painting now. The act of painting was calming, and it got his mind off of the thoughts that plagued him at all other times - thoughts of Inaho and thoughts of the war.

If I could go back, I would change it. I would change this ending, Slaine thought to himself. He wanted to go back and change his mistakes, but he didn’t want to dwell on those thoughts for longer than he had to. The past haunted him and he couldn’t escape it no matter how much he tried. Every time Inaho came to visit, his eyepatch was there, and Slaine’s past was there with it. If I could redo it all, he wouldn’t have that eyepatch…

Slaine shook his head. He didn’t want to think about that right now. All he wanted to think about it how to make this waterfall look right.

It didn’t take long for him to get completely engrossed in his painting. He chewed on the end of his brush as he looked the whole painting over, trying to find the big mistakes before he moved onto the details.

Slaine could hear the guard’s voices before he heard their footsteps. His ears automatically perked up upon hearing their concerned tone of voice.

Slaine could only hear his own heart beating.

He couldn’t breathe.

His eyes glazed over until he couldn’t see the painting in front of him anymore.

What was it all for?

Slaine didn’t hear the paintbrush hit the floor.

He clutched his chest, creasing the blue prison outfit with his grip.

It hurts, it hurts so much.

His tears hit the floor before he even realized he was crying.

A third Earth-Mars war was on its way.

____________

Inaho went to visit Slaine soon after the news was made public. He waited in the meeting room for the guards to bring Slaine, and he couldn’t help but feel a little nervous. He was sure that Slaine must have heard the news by then.

When Slaine walked into the room Inaho felt his heart stop. It took all he had not to jump out of his seat and run to Slaine.

His eyes were empty and he was looking - impossibly - thinner than before. Inaho had never seen him like this, not even at the beginning of his imprisonment. He didn’t look angry or bitter, he just looked empty.

Slaine sat down, looking off somewhere into the distance.

“Slaine.” The blond man didn’t respond. Inaho wanted to reach across the table, to hold his hand, to do anything. The only thing that was stopping him was that Slaine’s hands were resting in his lap. Inaho said his name louder, “Slaine.”

That time he turned to Inaho.

“Slaine, you need to eat.” Slaine ignored him and turned away.

“Is it my fault?” The question wasn’t even an exhale - it was barely muttered. Inaho stood up suddenly. Slaine flinched, tensing every muscle in his body. Inaho walked around the table with measured steps - the blonde was watching him now - and stopped beside Slaine. He reached down and grabbed Slaine’s hands gently, but with a certainty that kept Slaine from drawing back.

“This has nothing to do with you. You have been imprisoned here and there is no way you could have had a hand in any of this.” Inaho said it coldly and factually, his voice soft, sure, and unquestionable.

Slaine just silently nodded. Inaho didn’t look away, he was looking deep into those blue-green eyes for something. Maybe he was looking for too long because Slaine soon broke the gaze with a slightly flushed face. He found what he needed.

“Aren’t you still a soldier, won’t you be put to work?” Slaine questioned the boy without looking up at him.

“I’m not sure. I’ll be able to visit a few more times before I go anywhere. This isn’t my last visit.” Inaho could see a slight smile on Slaine’s face.

“I’ll really never understand you, will I?” Slaine looked down at Inaho’s hands that were still holding his own. Inaho felt a smile tugging at his lips.

“Who knows, maybe someday you will.”

____________

Alarms woke Slaine up from his evening nap with a jolt. Guards were running up and down the hall frantically but no one seemed to be paying any attention to him. Slaine sprang up from his bed and ran to the entrance of his cell, his hands holding the bars as he pressed up against them to see up and down the hallway.

“Hey! What’s going on?” Slaine shouted at the empty corridor. He was completely alone. He was afraid and the alarm was still ringing unbearably loud.

There was an orange sunset that evening.

He really was afraid of dying.

Inaho had finally made sure that Slaine wanted to live just so that he could die like this. It had been a few months since Slaine had last saw the other man. There were no other visitors to the prison, and so each day dragged on with no end in sight. There had been no word of him from any of the guards. Slaine was starting to think he was never coming back, and it looked like he was right. Regardless of whatever that siren was about, there was no way Slaine was going to make it through this.

He could hear the planes flying overhead; explosions were getting closer and closer. Ah yes, now that would be a good reason for alarms to be sounding. Slaine tried to hold back his tears, but his grip on the bars of his cell weakened as he started shaking. This was it, this was finally it, and there was no way out.

Suddenly he heard somebody running towards his cell. It was amazing that he heard anything at all with the alarm still ringing. He looked up, and there he was.

Inaho was there, in the light of the orange sunset - Inaho was finally back. He was dressed in a military uniform that was ripped and torn, but that didn’t matter because he was finally back.

“Inaho!” Slaine couldn’t help but feel relieved, but it was only for a second. “Wait - it’s dangerous here! Why are you here? You have to get away!” The brunette didn’t seem to be listening to him. He quickly went through a row of keys, trying them on the door to Slaine’s cell. It was a painful minute of watching Inaho try all the keys on the ring but finally the door swung open and Slaine let out a sigh of relief as he ran straight out to Inaho.

Inaho grabbed onto his hand and held on tightly.

“Sorry it took me so long.”

“Unlocking the door or coming back?”

“Both.”

Without another word the two men began running, with Inaho leading the way. Their hands were still linked as they ran down the hallway lined with empty cells.

They were almost outside. Slaine could see the door that would lead them out of this place, and it was with a breathless exhilaration that he realized that they were going to make it out of alive.

Inaho stopped so suddenly that Slaine almost ran into him. Inaho quickly slammed Slaine’s body to the ground, covering it with his own.

Not a split second later an explosion shook Slaine right down to the bones. The world around him changed in that single moment. The wall right beside them exploded, sending a mountain of debris in their direction. Slaine must have blacked out for a moment because everything came into view slowly.

The alarm had stopped. At least Slaine thought it had stopped because his ears were ringing so bad he could hardly hear anything. He could still feel Inaho’s body on top of him. As his vision cleared he realized that they were buried beneath a pile of rubble and debris.

Something was wrong with Inaho, something was terribly wrong. A bar from one of the prison cells had lodged itself straight through his stomach at an angle so that it wouldn’t hit Slaine, who was directly below him. Blood was everywhere. There were cuts and scrapes all over his body, all results of shrapnel from the bomb. Inaho had taken all the damage for him. Slaine froze. He didn’t know what to do.

“Slaine… Slaine…” The ringing in Slaine’s ears had died down and he could hear Inaho’s voice saying his name. His voice was usually soft and sure, but now it was a harsh exhale. Slaine couldn’t hold back his tears.

“No, no, don’t talk - we’ll get out of this, we will get out of this somehow. You survived a shot to the head, I’m sure you’ll survive this.” Even Slaine didn’t believe was he was saying. He was shaking, looking around for anything that would save them. “It’ll be okay, we’ll figure this out.”

“Slaine… stop….” Inaho rested his hand on Slaine’s cheek. “I’m going to bleed out….” He was having so much trouble breathing that it was almost impossible for him to speak. Slaine felt his own warm tears travel down his face. There was only a little light leaking in from somewhere, orange light that hit Inaho’s cheek. Slaine couldn’t help but move his hand to that cheek, where the light was.

Another bomb shook the former prison and the rubble shifted, blocking out the light.

“Slaine… I….”

“Please don’t speak -”

“I… have to… tell you -”

“Inaho, please!” Slaine could feel Inaho’s tears drop onto his face. No, no, no, this couldn’t be real! This couldn’t be happening! Inaho shouldn’t be crying! He had to be the blank faced, emotionless, and hard-to-read man that Slaine recognized! Inaho shouldn’t be crying! Inaho shouldn’t be dying!

“Slaine… I… I love… you….” Slaine started shaking even worse than before - he had to hold back a sob.

“I’ll never understand you…” Slaine felt the other man fall on him, slack, lifeless. “No…” Slaine said in disbelief. “No! No! No! Inaho, come back!” He was in hysterics. “Please, no, that’s not what I meant! Please come back! I love you, too! I love you!” 

Slaine held the other man in his arms. It wasn’t until he said those words that he knew they were true. Slaine loved him. How had he not realized this before? All the orange sunsets, all the paintings, all the visits - Slaine knew, without a doubt, that every minute he had spent thinking of Inaho had not been wasted. He knew with an incredulous certainty that he loved Inaho. He wasn’t sure how or when it happened, but it was something completely different than anything he had felt before.

If only I could go back, I would change this.

Another chance would set things right. Inaho would have both of his eyes and he would be alive. Slaine held Inaho tighter to his body as another explosion sounded overhead.

This can’t be real! He can’t be dead!

“Please, this can’t be the end.”

Suddenly there was a warm glow coming from somewhere. Slaine looked through his tear filled eyes. There was a blue light shining from both of their bodies.

It kept getting brighter and brighter and the noise from the bombs seemed to get further and further away. Slaine couldn’t feel Inaho’s body against him anymore - he couldn’t feel anything anymore.  
.  
.  
.  
Before he knew what was happening, everything came back with a sudden rush.

The blue sky was above him, he felt the wind against his face, and he heard the rush of the water next to him. His whole body felt different from just a few seconds ago - he felt lighter and stronger. He knew he was no longer in the body that had been undernourished by life in the prison. He could already tell his back was free of scars. He was wearing his old uniform, back from the very beginning.

He felt the heavy weight of a gun in his hands.

He was face to face with Trillram. He had just stolen the other man’s gun after he had threatened to go and kill the princess. His heart stopped, but his mind was moving faster than light.

He knew why this moment was important.

This was a moment that had been burned into his memory.

This was the first time he ever killed somebody.

Trillram turned around and was about to say something, to yell at Slaine for being a failure. Slaine didn’t remember anymore.

Before the man could speak a word, Slaine shot him in the head without hesitation. It was one clean shot and Trillram’s body crumbled to the pavement without ceremony.  
Slaine lowered the gun. He could feel the tears running down his face and he quickly wiped them away. He had just relived a moment that had plagued his nightmares for the longest time, and it was over in less than a second.

Slaine went over to the body and unhooked his gun holster and secured it to his own bel, then slid the gun into place. It might be useful later.

He almost couldn’t believe that it was real, but it was undoubtedly happening. He was really back in his old body. Slaine reached up and ran his fingers through his hair; it was so much shorter than he was used to. He definitely preferred it longer.

His thoughts were a mess, his emotions were much more intense than they had been. Age had really mellowed him out. It was no wonder he had made so many careless mistakes at this age.

He had always wished for a chance to start over.

He finally had his wish, and he had no idea where to start.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!!!! If this gets a good reception then I'm thinking of writing more. The second chapter will take a few weeks if i am going to write it! If you spot any mistakes please contact me over tumblr (troyards.tumblr.com) or over twitter (@slainesaazbaum) and i'll fix them right away! Also if you want to talk about the fic directly with me use tumblr or twitter i'm on those A LOT more! I could always use some fellow a/z fans to bounce ideas off of and to help me keep them in character better!  
> Please leave kudos and comments because thats whats gonna make me write more!!


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